WEEKEND READING

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I’m home for the weekend, and whist I should be writing my dreaded Contextual Studies essay, I’ve been catching up with Gaga, Kirsten and Rita. After the brilliant first issue of Porter last month, I was eagerly anticipating this issue; was worth the wait? Hmm…

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QUIET. SILENCE. PEACE. ALONE.

JUST  BECAUSE  YOU  SHOUT  THE  LOUDEST  DOESN'T  MEAN  YOU'RE  RIGHT.

Shy, quiet, introverted and frustrated are all words that I would aptly use to describe myself. Frustrated being the result of the previous three attributes. Frustrated with both myself and others for not understanding me. But mostly at myself. School was a challenge. Everyday was filled with a sour mixture of clammy hands, dread and mental unrest. Being forced to speak up in class felt as torturous as having pins poked into my eyes one by one. In fact, it was worse because at least with physical pain there’s an explanation. But the mental pain of simply being picked to speak in class was excruciating. Every single time. It had nothing to do with me knowing the answer or not, most of the time I did know. It was the verbal communication I had a problem with. And still do.

I’ve no idea where my introversion comes from. Both my parents are what I would call “normal”, not overly extroverted and centre of attention, but definitely able and comfortable to talk to people in a crowded room.

There are good and bad sides to being introverted. I prefer my own company to being around lots of people, especially new people, so I like to spend lots of time by myself reading, listening to music or just generally doing anything that doesn’t involve company. This trait is great for keeping myself occupied, for instance I am never bored. I love long car journeys. They’re an excuse to put headphones on, read a book and just escape the world with my thoughts for a few hours. The downside to this is that sometimes I need to escape my head. For people that like to spend a lot of time in the company of others, they have the option of leaving a room or a situation where they feel frustrated with another person. As someone who spends a lot of time by myself, I don’t have that option and this causes stress and anxiety, which in turn makes me more introverted. So it’s really just a never-ending vicious cycle.

I’ve missed out on so many personal and professional opportunities due to being introverted; most of which I’ve never even told anyone about because I feel ashamed sometimes by the way I naturally respond to situations. This is where the frustration comes from. Missing out.

There are some people that would say “just snap out of it” or “fake it ’til you make it”, but it’s not as simple as that; believe me, I wish it was! That’s like saying to someone who’s scared of heights to “just jump out of a plane, you’ll get over it” or telling someone with an eating disorder to “just eat”. There’s no “just” about it, there’s more than meets the eye, it’s how you are, you can’t change your genetic make-up.

Social situations for me are very painful experiences. Whether the environment is new to me or not, the faces are familiar or not; it doesn’t matter, I hate it. I can deal with one or a few at a time, but more than that and my brain goes into panic mode. I hate going out for a drink with my friends for instance. Lunch? Fine. But adding alcohol into the mix is really uncomfortable for me because it makes people unpredictable and I hate not having control in these situations. I find social gatherings physically demanding and I am often left emotionally exhausted after an event. It probably doesn’t help that I am a total lightweight and can’t handle my drink, plus alcohol makes me so sick, even after just a glass of wine.

I probably sound like the most boring bore on the planet right now. And I’m actually okay with that. I’d rather be deemed boring sat here on a Friday night in my pyjamas with a Capri-Sun than out in the freezing cold with a vodka and coke in my hand supposedly “having a good time”. Because to me that isn’t my idea of fun. That screams of anxiety and clammy hands to me.

I could go on writing on this subject for hours; it’s a huge part of my life and who I am that perhaps I would never finish writing about it.

People often mistake quietness for somebody with nothing to say, but in my experience it is quite the opposite. I’m studying to be a fashion journalist, my opinions are as valid as anyone else’s but they sometimes get overlooked by those with a chattier mouth.

Steve Wozniak (Steve Jobs’ right hand man at Apple) is a self-confessed introvert. Yet, his opinions and ideas have contributed towards the shaping of the everyday lives of billions of people on every continent on the planet. Ironically, Wozniak being shy and retiring has created a platform of communication for billions.

Need I say more?

 

UPCOMING LIFE CHANGES: GETTING READY FOR UNIVERSITY!

So in the space of two weeks I moved to university in Epsom where I’m studying Fashion Journalism. That is one of the most exhilarating, exciting, scary, ridiculous and utterly fabulous sentences I’ve ever really written about myself. For me, uni has always been something that I’ve never really been all that interested in. The career path I want to go down (fashion journalism) doesn’t actually require a degree; more so experience. But I applied for uni anyway not even all that confident that I would even be accepted; but my school kind of forced the application process on us (because it clearly makes them look better the more of us that get into uni) and so I went along with it, not COMPLETELY keen with the idea, but not knowing what else I would do at that point. So I applied to three places, was invited to interviews and created portfolios (with one helluva fiasco involving my whole portfolio and a broken motherboard ONE WEEK before my interview at my first choice university!!!)

The universities I applied to were:

– The University for the Creative Arts – BA Hons Fashion Journalism
This was my first choice uni, I went to the open day and really felt a good “vibe” from it, the course looked perfect and the points expectation weren’t that high, which was appealing. (I only need a minimum of 240 points or three C’s at A Level)

– Southampton Solent University – BA Hons Writing Fashion and Culture
This was my second choice uni, I really liked it; the course leader was really friendly, the uni had a nice atmosphere and it was centrally located. However it was a looooong way from home which is why it was my second choice.

– Northbrook College – BA Hons Fashion Media and Promotion
I was offered a place at this uni which I ultimately declined. The course seemed fine, but it wasn’t a proper university, just a college with some degree level courses. It was situated in a sleepy-town and had no student accommodation, it was also a looooong way from home.

So to cut a long story short, as I mentioned earlier, I declined my place at Northbrook and had UCA as my first choice with Solent as my second choice with an unconditional offer from UCA. I always planned on taking a gap year out of education to earn money, gain CV recognition and also gain self esteem and come into myself more. School kind of took the life out of me and I needed a break to become more of myself. So having taken that gap year I can now fully vouch for the fact that I am a much more confident person than I was a year ago, much more motivated and emotionally stronger than I ever thought I could be.

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So now I’ve been at uni for a week. What are my first thoughts?

Well…. The run-up to the “big day” (i.e moving day) wasn’t as nerve-wracking as I thought it’d be. At this point, I was really looking forward to going to uni to actually study and gain a degree in something that I absolutely love. As of right now I feel very motivated and excited with, I’m not going to lie, a bit of anxiety mixed in! The first 5 days of being here I suffered with really bad nausea; to the point where even standing up was vomit-inducing. Luckily, all traces of my vomit and pre-vomit have disappeared and I can now enjoy my first weekend as a student! (Sadly, no alcohol for me!)

As much as I miss home comforts such as the security of having my parents around, home cooked meals (!!!), my bed, familiar surroundings and a job with a steady pay; I really do love the idea of living (semi) independently. I’m loving the course, made some cool new fwends, and living 30 mins away from London is a MASSIVE bonus!

Any comments or questions about my course, other fashion-related courses or just uni in general, just leave below or drop me an e-mail! I’d be more than happy to help in such a tiresome and stress-ridden process!

xoxo

p.s. I apologise for the long rambling post!!

MY MCQUEEN LEGGINGS.

So this week, this arrived in the post:

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I decided to make the most of my birthday money and the mid-season sales and bought myself some McQ leggings. I bought the Iris Mirror print leggings and they. are. fab. They really are.

There’s one teeny weeny gripe with them… They’re slightly on the bigger side, just very slightly. I can still wear them and as long as I keep my butt covered it isn’t noticeable at all. I think they’re perfect.

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This is me wearing them. I’ve paired them with my Zara shoes and a tuxedo blazer from Zara which I bought yesterday with 70% off.

Aren’t the leggings fab?!

FEEL SO ANGRY AT MYSELF.

So today is the 3rd June and would’ve been the day I’d be heading down to London for Graduate Fashion Week. Unfortunately I am too ill to attend 😦 I am so devastated and annoyed at myself for some reason that I can’t help. I’d do anything to be feeling well enough to be able to spend the day at Earl’s Court (looking fabulous) and eyeing up all the new fashion talent, but instead I am stuck at home nursing myself back to health. Last night I had two glasses of white wine (weak with lemonade in it) and today I woke up so so soooo sick that I couldn’t handle it. I’ve always known that I’m a lightweight but I’ve never been this bad! We started to travel to London but had to stop not even 10 minutes in so that I could throw up in the street (smooth Hannah, smoooooth), and I knew that I just wouldn’t be able to handle an hour’s car journey and then the tubes.

Turns out I’m actually allergic to alcohol and it poisons by body every time I consume it. That sucks so bad, HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE UNI BEING ALLERGIC TO ALCOHOL???!!!!

I want to thank UCA so so so so so much for my GFW tickets, I am so grateful that I was picked, even though I am unable to attend. I hope everyone at UCA Rochester and Epsom kicks ass, as I’m sure they will, and I hope everyone in attendance has a great time!

I’M GOING TO GRADUATE FASHION WEEK!

I was lucky enough to receive VIP Graduate Fashion Week tickets for the UCA Epsom show!

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I received them through the uni that I will attend in September, The University for the Creative Arts and I couldn’t be more excited! Graduate Fashion Week is THE event and only major showcase for graduates in the world, making it one of the most exciting fashion events of the year! I love seeing new up and coming talent and what could be newer or fresher than someone straight out of uni?

The exhibition includes talks from Mary Katrantzou, Henry Holland, Imran Ahmed, Susie Bubble; Industry experts such as Melanie Rickey, designers from Debenhams, PR experts and tons more speakers on subjects within the industry as widespread as blogging and PR to CV construction and Interview techniques.

The even runs for four days from this Sunday 2nd June through Wednesday 5th June and there are a limited number of tickets for GFW left so hurry over to the website now to secure yours!

ON A DESERT ISLAND, THE PIGEON POST WILL ONLY BRING ONE PUBLICATION EACH MONTH. WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WHY?

This piece was the required written article that I submitted as part of my Fashion Journalism portfolio for UCA.

I live in a small town in Cambridgeshire. A slightly nondescript place where cultural diversity is perhaps not as common as, say, a city centre would be. Everyone here fits into a nice little mould. Everyone going about their business, speculating what others are doing, all the while trying (and failing) to move with the times. This, for me, is a parallel predicament to publications such as Vogue or Elle. For myself personally, they do not spark any inspiration. They do not get me excited. They depress me, make me feel inadequate, poor and fat.

My publication of choice would be V Magazine. (Technically it is a quarterly magazine, but I’m hoping that still counts…). The first thing that strikes the reader upon seeing V for the first time is possibly its size. Or the extraordinarily bold cover. Or the fabulously overpowering logo. It could possibly be many aspects of V’s cover format that attracts the reader at first glance. For me personally, it was the size. Being A3, it’s larger than most other “commercial” fashion magazines, I found this to be special. Almost like the magazine was so tremendous that it was worth that extra paper.

The content of the magazine itself is undeniably captivating and full of passion. From the powerful imagery on each page, to the small font that carries an even more powerful stance on the topic in which it’s portraying, V is by far oozing the most contemporary and innovative pieces and photographs. One of my favourite aspects of the V is that each issue, the magazine is heavily themed. The theme is an occurring motif on every single item featured in the magazine.

Last summer saw Lady Gaga become a columnist for V, which for me as a huge Gaga fan, couldn’t be more exciting. If the magazine couldn’t get even more fresh and exciting already, for me it just did. I cannot comprehend how much I adore V for collaborating with a contemporary artist such as Lady Gaga on an ongoing project for the sake of art and fashion, rather than just a celebrity-endorsed empty program.

V magazine, being an American publication, is not particularly easy to find in the area that I live, so when I do find it, I cherish it, reading each issue over and over again to devour every word written and every photograph shot. Having a new issue every three months is thrilling for me and living in such a drab and non-diversified community makes reading V all the more enthralling.